Mastering Setbacks: How to Focus on What You Can Control and Boost Your Confidence
- Michael A. Fenwrick
- Apr 29
- 3 min read
Setbacks can feel overwhelming, leaving you stuck and unsure of what to do next. When faced with challenges, it’s easy to get caught up in everything that’s going wrong. But there is a way to regain control and build confidence: by separating what you can influence from what you cannot. This simple shift in perspective helps you focus your energy where it matters most, making setbacks easier to handle and overcome.
Understanding What You Can Control
When a setback happens, the first step is to clearly identify the parts of the situation you have power over. These might include your actions, your attitude, your preparation, or how you respond to the event. For example, if you miss a deadline at work, you cannot change the past, but you can control how you manage your time going forward or communicate with your team.
Here are some common areas you can influence:
Your mindset and emotions: You can choose to stay calm, learn from the experience, and stay motivated.
Your actions: You can create a plan, seek help, or adjust your approach.
Your environment: You can organize your workspace or remove distractions.
Your communication: You can clarify misunderstandings or ask for feedback.
Focusing on these areas helps you regain a sense of control and reduces feelings of helplessness.
Recognizing What You Cannot Control
It’s equally important to accept the parts of the setback that are outside your influence. These could be other people’s decisions, unexpected events, or external circumstances like market changes or weather. Trying to control these factors wastes energy and increases frustration.
For example, if a project is delayed because a supplier failed to deliver on time, you cannot change the supplier’s actions. Instead, you can focus on managing your team’s response or finding alternative solutions.
Accepting what you cannot control helps you avoid unnecessary stress and keeps your focus on productive steps.
How Focusing on What You Can Influence Builds Confidence
When you concentrate on what you can control, you take active steps to improve your situation. This action creates momentum and builds confidence. Each small success reinforces your belief in your ability to handle challenges.
For example, after a setback in a fitness goal, focusing on daily workouts and healthy meals—things you can control—helps you feel empowered. Over time, these efforts lead to progress and renewed confidence.
Here are ways focusing on controllable factors boosts confidence:
Clear goals: Setting achievable tasks gives you direction.
Progress tracking: Seeing improvements motivates you to keep going.
Problem-solving: Taking initiative strengthens your skills.
Resilience: Facing challenges head-on builds mental toughness.
Practical Steps to Separate and Focus
To apply this approach, try these steps:
Write down the setback: Describe the situation in detail.
List what you can control: Identify your actions, thoughts, and choices.
List what you cannot control: Note external factors and other people’s actions.
Create an action plan: Focus on steps within your control.
Set small goals: Break down your plan into manageable tasks.
Review and adjust: Regularly check your progress and adapt as needed.
This process helps you stay grounded and proactive.
Real-Life Example
Imagine you are preparing for a job interview but receive news that the interview is postponed indefinitely. You cannot control the employer’s decision, but you can control how you use this extra time. You might:
Research the company more deeply.
Practice your answers.
Improve your resume.
Network with employees.
By focusing on these actions, you stay productive and confident, ready for when the interview happens.
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